The older you get, the faster it catches you

See, I stopped writing and started eating. I was doing so well for the three weeks before my Vegas trips and felt plenty confident in my dresses, and the two subsequent weeks of flu fluid consumption kept me from gaining too much...

But then, this morning, for the THIRD morning in a row, the scale numbers kept growing, and I weighed in at 136.1! Ahhh! How did that happen? I was 133 all week last week! Where did these three pounds magically come from?

I went to yoga 3 times last week, and even RAN on Saturday morning...but apparently that's not enough and my two big meals on Friday and Sunday and crepe breakfasts are catching up to me faster than usual. This weekend I'm easing back into work out mode, and as of next Monday, back to obsessive calorie counting and athletic guilt tripping.

Frustration mounting...

I weighed in at 135.4 this morning - that's the largest morning number I've seen on this scale since I bought it two years ago. This is bad. The situation is dire. Its like my body gave me a two month freebie where I started eating again and stayed at 133, and now it just decided to EXPLODE and I'm gaining a pound a week.

I think I've dieted too many times in my life to go on anything extreme. But that "be reasonable" approach only works for long term motivation - in order to start you need to be a little bit extreme for a while and I just can't get into it! Of course, having pizza, beer, and an entire pint of Starbucks ice cream for dinner Friday night doesn't fit into ANY kind of diet program, reasonable or otherwise.

I need to have an extreme two-three weeks, with no leniency, and THEN I can start the "moderation" thing for consistent weight loss. But moderation from day one just leads to no discipline at all. Every week I swear I'm gonna start and every week I just DON'T.

I plan poorly for my Monday mornings - I never have antyhing to eat for breakfast and I don't have any of my snacks. I ended up having a Starbucks sandwich for breakfast - I tried to redeem myself by taking off the bottom half of the English Muffin and one of the slices of ham, but it was still probably 400 calories (plus another 120 for my skinny carmel latte). And how do you start off a healthy week if your first meal on the first day on the first week is already 500 calories? Ugghhh I need help!

Progress, or lack there of

I can't say I've been "perfect" a single day this week. I guess we will call this week a "transitionary" week. I have been significantly better than I have been in previous week, in that at least I have been making an effort. Even yesterday when I had to get my lunch at Rubio's I got the Health Mex Burrito, which was under 500 calories. I'm making conscious efforts and getting back into the mode but...no results as of yet. And I know that for results I need to make more than an effort. I need to deprive myself, regularly. Reasonableness has yet to allow my body to lose weight - only keep it off. So there's that myth. You can eat reasonably to maintain your weight. You have to be starving and unhappy to a certain extent to lose it. There's just no other way. If you're comfortable, you're comfortable, your body isn't stressed and it wont burn that fat. End of story.

The lowest number the scale showed this week was 134.2, and in fact THIS morning it said 135.2. But I will blame that on the time of the month. And that's valid. I'm sure a pound and a half will drop by this time next week.

Still, though its disheartening. And the fatigue and exhaustion that comes with the cramps and bloating just make you want to, well, EAT.

Skinny People & Dieting

I have this one co-worker, Brandi, who's obviously on Weight Watchers or something of the sort. Every day I see her with her tupper ware trays of chicken breasts and green beans at lunch, or taking out her ziploc with 12 cherries to snack on in the morning. She wears one of those Body Buggs from 24 hr fitness, and she's fit, too.

BUT

I've watched her do this for over a year now. She's by no means overweight, she's a cute, fit, lady, but she hasn't lost any weight in that year. True, she hasn't gained any either but gosh, that seems like an AWFUL lot of effort and deprivation for simple maintenance!

Breakfast?

Why is it that, whether or not I eat breakfast, I'm still starving by 10:30? Yes, they tell you to eat breakfast so that you can "get your metabolism going", and that's great and all.

But if the whole idea behind weight loss is to consume less calories than you burn, isn't eating breakfast a waste? I'm consuming an extra 200-300 calories because 2.5 hours later I still end up eating that luna bar...and that's all I'd eat if I didn't eat breakfast. So what's the point?

On a brighter note, its 2:30 and I've had breakfast (oatmeal), my luna bar, a bag of sugar snap peas, and a banana with peanut butter, but no full lunch yet! Yay! 

Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

The biggest challenge in dieting while living your real life is when your well-intentioned plans around living your healthy life conflict with well,plans in your life. Today, my plan was to go to Starbuck's after work, study for my test while drinking herbal tea. I was gonna go home around 7 and eat a protein-filled , under 300 calorie meal, and go to hot yoga at 8:30.

Except, at 5:45, just as I was settling in to my accounting homework, my dad calls and tells me he's in town and wants to have dinner with me! Well, I can't very well say no to my one and only father knowing full well that I am the one source of joy and comfort in his life since...anyway. So my dad and I went to rock bottom where I started off with my favorite - cucumber basil martini...at least I only had 1!

I made the best I could with what I had - a sirloin steak salad. I got the dressing on the side, but ended up eating all of it. Honestly, I cleaned my plate...the gorgonzola, the almonds, the steak, the croutons...there wasn't a bite left. ::SIGH:::

However, I was home in time to still make it to my yoga class. Hot yoga, of course. Candlelight Power 2. I've only been to a couple Power 2 classes, but I thought I could handle it. Well, what I didn't realize is that candle-lit yoga is harder - balancing is almost impossible. And this class was way harder than anything I'd done yet. Needless to say, I was dying, sweating to death, balanced impeded even further by the effects of the Cucumber Basil Martini...I got home DEAD, and here I lay now unable to move, except for my now 3rd glass of milk. My body is craving it, and deprivation is a sure fire way to failure.

Otherwise, I was good today.
Oatmeal
Tea
Luna Bar
Healthy Choice Pesto Chicken
only 3 M&Ms
Sliced Apples
Bag of Sugar Snap Peas
Cup of Brocolli
2 cups of Blackberries
Campbell's Soup at Hand Chicken Soup (70 calories)

Man, that's still a LOT of food.

Week 1, Day 1

I'm staring off moderately. I know Weight Watchers dictates the 20 points a day, weighing and measuring of food, yada yada yada. Its too much to take on with my busy schedule. I will ease into it by starting off reasonable and paying more and more attention every week. So, here is what I ate today:

1. Siggi's yogurt
2. 1/2 cup of Kashi Go Lean Crunch Cereal
3. Healthy Choice Red Pepper Alfredo
4. Banana with Peanut Butter
5. Tall Sugar Free Caramel Steamer
6. Hard Boiled Egg
7. 3 slices cheddar cheese
8. 1/2 apple with 10 grapes
9. Russian deliciousness that is undescribable and probably totaled to 400 calories (Sirniki)
10. My very own low cal tortilla soup: Black Bean Soup from TJ's with some Tapatio and Lime Juice, sprinkled w/ 2 table spoons of TJ's Lite Shredded Cheese and 1/4 of a small Haas Avocado.

I also finally went to the gym today for essentially the first time since my cruise. I did the elliptical for 15 minutes and then my co worker Lucy and I went to a strength training class. It was kinda weak, but better than nothing. I hate crowded classes, and YMCA classes in general are just full of fat housewives. I find it uninspiring and weak.

Overall, pretty good!

Wake Up Call!!!!

This morning, I put on my black and white pinstripe pants, zipped up the zipper, fastened the clasp...exhaled...and POP..the clasp flew across the closet and hit the mirror.

Yup, its official. I've gotten too fat, even by my own eternally-chubby standards. This is in addition to my favorite skinny (which is a requirement for what one should be to WEAR them, by the way) jeans ripping on my ass as I put them on last weekend. Magical Mommy managed to fix them, but the ass growing MUST STOP!

So, in my recent obsession with blogging, and my ever failing memory, I will now blog about attempt #123434875843 to lose weight. I have 3 months left before I quit my job and embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Embarking on an adventure of a lifetime requires being hot, otherwise it turns into a somewhat lonely and expensive adventure. So, here's the plan.

Time: 3 months. 12 weeks.
Obstacles: 3 currently planned weekend trips involving food and alcohol
Weight Loss Goal: Weighed in this morning at 135. Usually weigh in at 133. Realistic weight loss goal will be to fluctuate regularly between 123 and 125. 

Ready. Set. STOP EATING!